Miss D’s blog

Today the root of all my agony was laid to rest. Today at 1:00 pm I was fired from Artic Circle by Kaylynn  Kimes. I will not say the nine years I have worked there have been all bad. I have made alot of great friends there, and and aquired may great stories and even became a bit of an AC legend a teaching example, even if Terry cant realy get the manner of a story right. However my experinces there have been plaged by many hardships. While the untimley demis of my job comes at and incovinent time it will not be sorley missed. This is the chronicle of the good, the bad, and the bitch.

My job began under a cloud of finacial dificulty created entirley by myself, I took this job unaware that i was shortly going to be enter purgatory. When i first started workign at the Avc I worked along side Terry Kimes, his wife Debbie, and his eldest daughter Tamera. Truly the first sighn that things where not going to go smoothly was marked by what i felt was an omen, on the very first day a truck hit a pure white dove, white the dove surved i believe it was shaken.  fromt here things just went down hill, To begin with i was trained improperly,, nobody showed me what to do correctly and just simply yelled at me when I did not do thing according to their rules, which is a theme that would continue thru the etirety of my job. My managers wernt that great. Tamera while she was not a bitch she was not a very direct person. She would hint at what she wanted you to and not tell you out right. While Debbie was a nightmare, when thigns got stressfull instead of difussing the situation and helpinh she would freak out and make thing worse, as a mtter of fact she managed to run off most of the crew that I began workign there with. Niegther stayed, while tamera would eventually marry and move to Olympia, where she live with her husband, Debbie would transfer to the 40th store.  Ther was an array of other crew that would come and go, And I would out lats most of them. IncludIng Anna and Nichole ( god how I wished terry would a thrid person with the last name of smith who acted just like them that would be hallerious!!!!!!) Two complete dumb asses who acted just like each other if you have read prvious blog entires you know about my "special soup" story so your upto speed with them. Then there was Ashely, The scarriest and stupidist person I have ver met (same blod enrty as the "special soup").

There where also a great many pranks and other shit that just made you smile, like the cooks flicking pickes onto the cieling (the smooth ones work not the crinkle cut), cheese and tomatoes also tend to stick, there where also condiment and soda fights, snow men in the freezer, throwing snow balls at the drive thru menu in july, Brandy throwign eggs at the neighbors basket ball hoop, and a buch of us taping a Shopko ladies underwear ad and rubber glove for "safety" to the employee bathroom mirror (along with a picture of a guy in his boxers for those who swug that way) .

There was also plenty of entertainment with all the hookers and crazy guys who would show up, and just go psycho wile inthe parking lot or in the store. scary at times but made for an intresting story later on in the day.

There was also the Ghost of the AC, I have infact seen him of two seperate occasions. The first was when I was new Saw him sitting in last booth on the left side of the store, he was in all balck the second time was a brief glimps of a man walking in the kitchen. There was also seperate occasion when the left till opened by its self, after testign all possibilites I been able to reach no other explantion, I was standing inbetween  the counters dead center on the rightside. when it just opened. no other person was in the dining room.

There was even my golden era, when it seemed I was on the rise. I was the first pick for call ins, I got great hours, could afford anything I wanted. Had a great credit score. Believe it or not there was even a time when Kaylynn Loved workign with me, just simple becuase I would get all my work done if you just left me alone. That didn't last long.

I think the spiral began when I mentioned I did not like workign with Debbie, because she could not hendel stress. Afte that Kaylynn seemed to have it in for me. I woudl say "Good Mornign Kaylynn, how are you" and even tho we had not started to work together she would glare at me like I completely spoiled her day. The more she resented me the worse things got. Soon I was losing more an more hours, and i was bottom of the list for the call ins. Then Kaylynn tried to frame me for stealing. while there where several others she tried to frame, my head was directly on the chopping block when her and her husband Jon would go in at night and take money directly out of the safe. The only peopel with keys where me, Susan, and Terry himself. Susan was never a suspect. She was the longest and oldest AC worker. Terry set up a hidden camera and discovered it was his own duaghter and her husband stealing from him. After firing her, he brought her back and promptly fired her again for stealing...She was brough back a thrid time under the condition that she would not handle money or be a manager again...LAIR!!!! She is infact a manager and has Fired me, for smelling bad...Thats Laughable, I ahve taken to batheing everday and my clothes are clean. When it came to that I never hads a fair shake. It didn't matter how clean I was she would always comment about my smell...I returned the Keys shortle after Cami came on shift, she has decided to hang onto them until Terry gets back. I didn't want to hold onto them incase Kaylynn tries to frame me for stealing. Her ammo would be I still have the keys and the safe combo, I could just enter the store in the middle of the night and take the money. Hee hee, she dosen't know I don't have them anymore.

Well It I am still the only one to ligh the fiars on fire, (quite acidentaly). I was just learning the kitchen an nobody told me you had to unplug the friar before lifting the elemtn out, It was quite frightening, I was worried that if I lowered the element the oil might blow up in my face. Like the time a Davis gym teaher told me bottles are for babies afetr bringing a water bottle to class, my legend at the Ac has been Secured... OH ARTIC CIRCLE! ou can kiss my ass, im free..."You have no power over!!!" *dances off singin "I feel good"

Today the root of all my agony was laid to rest. Today at 1:00 pm I was fired from Artic Circle by Kaylynn  Kimes. I will not say the nine years I have worked there have been all bad. I have made alot of great friends there, and and aquired may great stories and even became a bit of an AC legend a teaching example, even if Terry cant realy get the manner of a story right. However my experinces there have been plaged by many hardships. While the untimley demis of my job comes at and incovinent time it will not be sorley missed. This is the chronicle of the good, the bad, and the bitch.

My job began under a cloud of finacial dificulty created entirley by myself, I took this job unaware that i was shortly going to be enter purgatory. When i first started workign at the Avc I worked along side Terry Kimes, his wife Debbie, and his eldest daughter Tamera. Truly the first sighn that things where not going to go smoothly was marked by what i felt was an omen, on the very first day a truck hit a pure white dove, white the dove surved i believe it was shaken.  fromt here things just went down hill, To begin with i was trained improperly,, nobody showed me what to do correctly and just simply yelled at me when I did not do thing according to their rules, which is a theme that would continue thru the etirety of my job. My managers wernt that great. Tamera while she was not a bitch she was not a very direct person. She would hint at what she wanted you to and not tell you out right. While Debbie was a nightmare, when thigns got stressfull instead of difussing the situation and helpinh she would freak out and make thing worse, as a mtter of fact she managed to run off most of the crew that I began workign there with. Niegther stayed, while tamera would eventually marry and move to Olympia, where she live with her husband, Debbie would transfer to the 40th store.  Ther was an array of other crew that would come and go, And I would out lats most of them. IncludIng Anna and Nichole ( god how I wished terry would a thrid person with the last name of smith who acted just like them that would be hallerious!!!!!!) Two complete dumb asses who acted just like each other if you have read prvious blog entires you know about my "special soup" story so your upto speed with them. Then there was Ashely, The scarriest and stupidist person I have ver met (same blod enrty as the "special soup").

There where also a great many pranks and other shit that just made you smile, like the cooks flicking pickes onto the cieling (the smooth ones work not the crinkle cut), cheese and tomatoes also tend to stick, there where also condiment and soda fights, snow men in the freezer, throwing snow balls at the drive thru menu in july, Brandy throwign eggs at the neighbors basket ball hoop, and a buch of us taping a Shopko ladies underwear ad and rubber glove for "safety" to the employee bathroom mirror (along with a picture of a guy in his boxers for those who swug that way) .

There was also plenty of entertainment with all the hookers and crazy guys who would show up, and just go psycho wile inthe parking lot or in the store. scary at times but made for an intresting story later on in the day.

There was also the Ghost of the AC, I have infact seen him of two seperate occasions. The first was when I was new Saw him sitting in last booth on the left side of the store, he was in all balck the second time was a brief glimps of a man walking in the kitchen. There was also seperate occasion when the left till opened by its self, after testign all possibilites I been able to reach no other explantion, I was standing inbetween  the counters dead center on the rightside. when it just opened. no other person was in the dining room.

There was even my golden era, when it seemed I was on the rise. I was the first pick for call ins, I got great hours, could afford anything I wanted. Had a great credit score. Believe it or not there was even a time when Kaylynn Loved workign with me, just simple becuase I would get all my work done if you just left me alone. That didn't last long.

I think the spiral began when I mentioned I did not like workign with Debbie, because she could not hendel stress. Afte that Kaylynn seemed to have it in for me. I woudl say "Good Mornign Kaylynn, how are you" and even tho we had not started to work together she would glare at me like I completely spoiled her day. The more she resented me the worse things got. Soon I was losing more an more hours, and i was bottom of the list for the call ins. Then Kaylynn tried to frame me for stealing. while there where several others she tried to frame, my head was directly on the chopping block when her and her husband Jon would go in at night and take money directly out of the safe. The only peopel with keys where me, Susan, and Terry himself. Susan was never a suspect. She was the longest and oldest AC worker. Terry set up a hidden camera and discovered it was his own duaghter and her husband stealing from him. After firing her, he brought her back and promptly fired her again for stealing...She was brough back a thrid time under the condition that she would not handle money or be a manager again...LAIR!!!! She is infact a manager and has Fired me, for smelling bad...Thats Laughable, I ahve taken to batheing everday and my clothes are clean. When it came to that I never hads a fair shake. It didn't matter how clean I was she would always comment about my smell...I returned the Keys shortle after Cami came on shift, she has decided to hang onto them until Terry gets back. I didn't want to hold onto them incase Kaylynn tries to frame me for stealing. Her ammo would be I still have the keys and the safe combo, I could just enter the store in the middle of the night and take the money. Hee hee, she dosen't know I don't have them anymore.

Well It I am still the only one to ligh the fiars on fire, (quite acidentaly). I was just learning the kitchen an nobody told me you had to unplug the friar before lifting the elemtn out, It was quite frightening, I was worried that if I lowered the element the oil might blow up in my face. Like the time a Davis gym teaher told me bottles are for babies afetr bringing a water bottle to class, my legend at the Ac has been Secured... OH ARTIC CIRCLE! ou can kiss my ass, im free..."You have no power over!!!" *dances off singin "I feel good"

I think this song best descirbes a small part of my conflicts with my inner demons...

Easier To Run

Linkin Park

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just watching in the sun
All of my helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler to change

[chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

I know you are not suppose to run away from your problems, but i have be trying to determine what the root cuase of them really are. This house which seems to be sucking the life out of me, for months when grandma has asked me to clean it, i would get overwhelmed at all that needed to be done, aunt kelly wasn't helping me and there was to much for me to do by myself. Latley I have also been thinking about this dream I had that joyce evcited us. When joyce showed up she also mentioned putting this house up for sale in a couple of months. Grandma seems to think she is only using it as a way to motivate us to get the houses cleaned and other needed repairs done, but I think Joyce is waiting for us to say the houses are ready and then will put them on the market. I guess I don't have alot of confidence that we will be staying.

My job is another serious problem i have, It seems no matter how long i have stayed there and how hard I work I will never get the credit I deserve. Other less deserveing people will always get promoted or riases before i do. On top of wich I not only get all of Terry's crap but I also catch shit from Kaylynn all the time.

My website/Bussiness, Thats turned out to be a huge failure. No matter how hard i try no one is willing to order anythign from me....

I thought I was staying to help grandma and aunt Kelly becuase they needed me, but seems all i have left it misery, failure and heartache. I also have huge amounts of guilt. Maybe I'm just a wicked person and don't deserve anything good in my life; It seems all I touch is fails, maybe I should just give up now?

This song has always spoken to me, but latley it has spoken to me more. Maybe it because of all that im going through right now.

All That I'm Living For

By Evanescence

I can feel the night beginning.
Separate me from the living.
Understanding me,
After all I've seen.
Piecing every thought together,
Find the words to make me better.
If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

I believe that dreams are sacred.
Take my darkest fears and play them
Like a lullaby,
Like a reason why,
Like a play of my obsessions,
Make me understand the lesson,
So I'll find myself,
So I won't be lost again.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,
To be the one.
I could have run forever,
But how far would I have come
Without mourning your love?

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Should I lock the last open door,
My ghosts are gaining on me

This fits my mood and state of mind today. See Previous post for details. There are other songs byb korn that will more then likley be added to my sound track at a later date.

Blind

By Korn

Are you ready?!

This place inside my mind, a place I like to hide
You don't know the chances. What if I should die?!
A place inside my brain, another kind of pain
You don't know the chances. I'm so blind!

Another place I find to escape the pain inside
You don't know the chances. What if I should die?!
A place inside my brain, another kind of pain
You don't know the chances. I'm so blind!

Deeper!.. Deeper!.. Deeper inside me!
To live a life that seems to be a lost reality
That can never find a way to reach.
My inner self
I stand alone!
How deep can I go in the ground that I lay?
If I don't find a way to see through the gray that clouds my mind.
This time I look to see what's between the lines!

I can see, I can see, I'm going blind... [x12]
I'm blind [x4]

This kinda fits how i feel right now. I'm in a very dark place right now, needless to say i don't have alot of faith in anything.

Bitter

Slipping Tongue

I can remeber when I was 20 and being called ma'am use to bug me...Every time someone use to call me that i had visions crachety old school marm, wearing wide brim glasses and a bun that was would too tight for her head...Now I just dont care, there are so many other things in life that can annoy me so much more....Like being ousted from my hours by Kaylynn, being treated like and inferior by Terry( a guy who by the way claims world history is his best subjet yet dosent know who Cleopatra, Marc Antony, or Julius Ceasar are; I mean common that grade school knowledge there)... Or in this time of ression thing just arn't making any sense.

Like how many times you have to tell a credit card company that you do not have $368 dollars a month to spare...Or how you should not be held accountable becuase they screwed up the settlement you had going....Right now Capital One and Chase are on my Black List...HSBC however seem pretty fair....I have yet to see tho....

Why, despite there claims to check other stores prices is Wal * Mart so much more expensive then the average grocery store...I can go to Safeway and find regular priced items that are cheaper then Wal * Mart sale prices...

Why can't my grandma get up off her butt to make herself a sandwich, when I'm gone at work..Also why does she feel the need to constantly threaten me with the computer, Its Half Mine!!! I also pay and extra 40 a mont to orignally pay for half of the internet. And yet becuase I actually put the net to use to build my own website so I can sell things to make extra money which benefits everyone, but apparently thats wrong!!! I also can defend my self becuase no matter what i say I'm instantly wrong...Its kinda like at work if i say "hi how you doin today" im instantly off task, yet I could actually be in the middle or dong somethign that work related. It messed up...You know the more i think about it this house is alot like work....Have to work my ass off, and no matter what I do, never ever get the credit I deserve...I always wrong.....*GRUMBLES* .....Dont I ever get a break...Gotta go to pissed to write any more,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,